In Celebration Of Mariah's Wedding

The legendary Jackie Beat has done a parody of Mimi's Touch My Body called "Retouch My Body."

It's an instant classic!

Enjoy (lyrics and song below).

Jackie Beat, still young and sweet!

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah…

You know I’m gettin’ older

And I’ve gained some weight, too

In my imagination I am just 22

I’m way too busy to do Jenny, Weight Watchers, too

The fast food is to blame, cholesterol’s through the roof

If there's a camera up in here that’s takin’ photographs of me

Then it’s true, that you

Must sign this confidentiality agreement right here

tellin’ you, what to do

'Cause if you run the pics you got without the use of PhotoShop

I will hunt you down

'Cause baby this is show business, nobody wants the truth

Don’t even try it, this is my diet

Retouch my body

Stretch me some more

Take off sixty pounds

Then take off ten more

Retouch my body

Re-size my head

Clean up my skin

Please tone down the red

Retouch my body

Lipo my thighs

With your computer mouse

I’m as big as a house

Retouch my body

Remove every curve

I’m goin’ to the mall to get a soft serve

Give me a tiny waist because I eat like a slob

Remove a chin or two and how’s about a nose job?

Erase under my eyes where it is wrinkled and dark

Your resume says that you worked on Jurrasic Park

If there's a camera up in here that’s takin’ photographs of me

Then it’s true, that you

Must sign this confidentiality agreement in blood

or else you, will get sued

Cuz if I end up on Perez, Hilton lookin’ like a lez

I will hunt you down

'Cause baby this is show business, nobody wants the truth

Don’t even try it, this is my diet

Retouch my body

Don’t wanna look tragic

So call In-dustrial

Light & Magic

Retouch my body

Make me look lean

Like fat-ass Oprah

on O Magazine

Retouch my body

Even out my tits

And make sure that this haute couture size 2 fits

Retouch my body

Blur it some more

Come on and give me what I’m payin’ you for

Retouch my body

I just want some gummi bears, I refuse to take the stairs

Make me fuckin’ young and sweet

Get rid of my celluleet

I don’t want no photo, boy

I want an oil painting

Retouch my body

Retouch my body

Don’t cause any trouble

I am in denial

Don’t ya’ burst my bubble

Retouch my body

Just look at Madonna

In real life she looks like

An ancient iguana

Retouch my body

And if you can of course

Try to make me look

Like less of a horse

Retouch my body

I’ve no other choice

I only wish you could retouch my voice

Retouch my fuckin' body!